Showing posts with label political teeth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label political teeth. Show all posts

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Oral History: George "Puffy" Washington





Actual George Washington dental facts from Prologue Magazine by Richard Norton Smith, The Surprising George Washington, Part 2:

About those teeth . . . According to John Adams, Washington lost his teeth as the result of cracking Brazil nuts between his jaws. By the time he became President, he had but a single tooth left and a set of dentures fashioned from cow's teeth. In hopes of finding something better, Washington contacted a leading dentist in Philadelphia, who produced a state-of-the-art set carved, not from wood, but from hippopotamus tusk. The new dentures were thoughtfully drilled with a hole to fit over his one remaining tooth. Unfortunately, they also rubbed against this natural tooth, causing more or less constant pain for which the President took laudanum. A bulging set of dentures contributed to this famous--if unflattering--portrait of Washington by Gilbert Stuart


And from the Smithsonian National Portrait Gallery:

When George Washington became the first President of the United States in 1783, he had only one of his teeth left in his mouth. As a boy, he had cracked walnut shells with his teeth and, as a result, many of them fell out before he was thirty! Over the years, Washington wore several sets of false teeth [see photos above.] Even though many people today believe that these teeth were made out of wood, there is no proof that he ever had wooden teeth. His dentures were made of many things. They were often a combination of human teeth, animal teeth, and ivory. They were put together with wire and a spring, which allowed the dentures to open and close. Throughout his life, Washington had trouble speaking, chewing food, and smiling. The false teeth could be painful and they sometimes made his cheeks and lips puff out. Fortunately modern dentistry now allows painless smiles for even the greatest of walnut lovers.

And from the senate.gov:

In this replica, Stuart paints Washington’s face and hair more boldly and summarily than he does in some other replicas. For example, he emulates the fleshy bridge of Washington’s nose with a creamy swirl of paint. The flesh coloring is nicely balanced, without the strong crimson cheeks Stuart often favors, although his characteristic use of red in the shadows of the upper eyelids is apparent. The modeling of the mouth seems somewhat hesitant, as if the artist were trying to modify the puffy distortion caused by the president’s notorious false teeth. The paint is applied with particular fluency in the lacy shirtfront.

Um, quick question. Today would we elect any president who used his teeth to crack open walnuts? George Washington lived from 1732 to 1799. Perhaps nutcrackers weren't widely used, but I'm pretty confident we had a firm grasp on the use of hammers. Or how bout a rock George. It's the 18th century, there are rocks everywhere. Rocks galore. You fall outta bed in the 18th century and a rock falls on top of you.

photo credits: Gilbert Stuart portrait via senate.gov. George Washington's dentures via Mt. Vernon Ladies Association and the NIH

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Howard Wolfson:Battered Political Strategist Syndrome





I was watching Nightline last night and caught this interview with Clinton strategist Howard Wolfson. I noticed Mr. Wolfson was sporting a massive front tooth gap. Two plausible explanations here:
1. Mr. Wolfson has an enormous natural diastema a la Lauren Hutton and David Letterman, or Mr Wolfson
2. Was wupped upside the head with a frying pan by some unnamed Ms. Cranky Pantsuit post one certain Iowa caucus.
Oh Howard, for God sake, get out of this abusive relationship before it's too late. We're all praying for your well being Howard. In the mean time, go here for guidance, comfort and support.

Friday, April 11, 2008

Political Teeth: Barack Obama


Typical white teeth.

Guest blogger Reverend Jeremiah Wright: Hold Up! White teeth?! WHITE teeth! Is Barack being controlled by his white teeth? It just came to me y'all--why so many people are hatin' on Barack Obama. His teeth don't fit the model. Barack Obama is not being controlled by his Rich.White.Teeth. Hillary fits the mold. Europeans fit the mold. McCain fits the mold. Rich White Teeth fit the mold. Hillary never had a tooth wiz past her and not pick her up. Hillary never had to worry about being pulled over in her car by a Rich White Tooth because she was in the wrong neighborhood...Barack knows what it means to be living in a country and a culture that is controlled by RICH. WHITE. TEETH! No No No y'all---America's teeth... are comin' home... to roost.

Or something.

photo:senate.gov

Political Teeth: John McCain


Nice choppers Johnny. Maple or oak? Like Zoinks Scooby--it's old man McCain, run for it!

photo credit unknown

Political Teeth: Hillary Clinton


Hillary Clinton is blessed with perfect political teeth. The lies fall through like rocks through a cloud. Toothala er Tuzla?

A fun photoshop lesson here on how to whiten Hillary's naturally yellow teeth.
photo: Janet Mayer